When term one started, i work hard. When the rest of the class was partying away, i was paying attention to the teacher. I was so hardworking that when i failed my first test, the teacher actually couldnt believe it.

So i thought to myself," Its okay, i just have to try harder." But time and time, i failed. I began to made fun of my result, to think positively. Sure it doesnt hurt when i see my tests individually. But when you gather them altogether, it comes as a blow. A huge blow.

I worked equally hard as my friends but it seems im the only one who was a failure. Am i born stupid or what? Slowly, i became used to the fact that i cant pass and finally, i gave up on myself. I believed that no matter how much i work, i will always fail. So i started copying homework, thinking its no difference and this leads to my weak foundation.

I didnt really suffocate because i really do understand the basics. But when it comes to complicated questions my brain just doesnt function. I hate this me. I dont understand why. If i know the basics, i can work my way through but that wasnt the case. Whenever i want to do my best, everything came crashing down and its so painful for me to continue

Im tired, i really am. I am sick of trying over and over, getting up and falling down once again. It is just so demoralizing. I am tired of hanging on to false hopes and getting myself hurt. Its not like i didnt try. I dont expect myself to pass but at least close to the passing mark. Is that very hard for me to achieve?

Despite all that, I will hold on. I will grit my teeth and bear with it. Even if i cant continue it next year, at least i can hold my head high and proudly state that i tried my best. At the very least, i can be proud of my efforts.

The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what's inside.